This is simply human nature. Your email address will not be published. I am in the process of writing a book and working on some projects. If possible, I want it to reflect my genetic history. Since she is no longer here, I feel like this is the one thing she gave me and I need this to heal. All rights reserved. I feel so helpless, angry, sad these adopters crept into my daughters's life so impersonally, so secretively, without a care for mother or a child's family or roots. She felt very strongly that he was her father and had done all the parental work of raising her. tel: (703) 940-0201. To do a full numerological analysis requires a consideration of many factors but a core one is … It was a shock to me when at 22 I found I had been given a name by my birth mother. I believe once their natural family has named a child that it should never be changed with the exception of the last name, and that is it! You can keep the name given at birth. A parent should not have the ability to obscure the identity of their child such that other members of their family don’t know their child exists or don’t know how to find their child. At this stage, the child may want to keep their name, as they may feel connected to it. When it comes to changing a child’s name at adoption, there is no right or wrong. 27 years apart is what my daughters paid so they could have their joy, and we our tears. No two families are the same, and comparisons are pointless. Meet Charish, an adoptee in reunion with a closed adoption as she opens up about what her birth name means to her and her journey to restoring her birth name that is symbolic of her life. In older child adoption, you may choose to change an entire name, or you may choose not to change the name at all, including leaving their original last name. It was don't to her with no semblance of consent. In many states, after a child is adopted, the original birth certificate is sealed and no longer available. On my biological father’s side, my genes have primarily descended through the various peoples of Great Britain, originating from Scandinavia, probably Sweden. I didn’t have to speak to anyone. Your email address will not be published. When a child is adopted, the birth certificate will be changed to reflect that information; precisely what is changed, and how, will possibly depend on the state in which the child and adoptive parents reside. I have found my birth family, and my birth mom has passed away. I also want it to reflect my experience as an adopted person: denied the rights to my biological family name, and unwilling to perpetuate the name of my adoptive “family.” But I don’t want anything dramatic though – something that would only be apparent if one considered the meaning of the name and knew something about etymology – and preferably, completely unique. I wrote, “I am adopted. Charish plans on being at the Ohio Department of Health on March 20 2015 when they open adoption files allowing adoptees to have access to their original birth certificates. One of the first major decisions you will be responsible for in this child’s life. Changing Your Name Through Marriage, Divorce, Adoption or Citizenship we do not see eye to eye on hardly anything so this was going to be no exception but I chose to do what I felt was right and follow my own truth. Millions of divorced women have parental authority over their own children who retained the last names of their fathers (appropriately so). I've had three separate and distinct birth certificates (all issued by The State of New York), but also went to court and reclaimed my identity over ten years ago in California. Parenting & exploring adoption for your child. For his first 21 months, he was known by a silly nickname. The name change ordered by the court will be effective even if the birth certificate isn't amended. We wanted to be sure that his biological family would not be able to use any of his identifying information after adoption. So while she hadn’t used our last name, she had still chosen to change her name. My daughter has her original first and middle name… she tried to use me adopting her back as an emotional tool…. Pond turning 18 and looking through paperwork I realized that my name was changed upon birth and I was never told. Minors are not allowed to petition to change their names , an adult must always petition on behalf of a minor, and the minor's parents must be notified. I have been contacted by adoptive mothers seeking advice on the effects of changing their adopted child's name. I have some experience when it comes to this topic. xoxo. I have to go before a judge in a room full of people, get sworn in under oath, and explain why I want my name change. 3. Best wishes to you girl! Some states, such as Michigan, require the child to have lived in the county for at least one year. Charish: I don’t think my life will change, but I feel like this is who I truly am. Adopting makes people adoptive parents.- and it’s just respectful never to obscure the existence of the adopted person’s own family. Had the adoption been allowed, we would have petitioned for him to be able to choose his own name as he wished. There are others who think that changing the child’s name is simply their right as the parents to the child, and all parents love to think of names for their children. For example, some states change the “place of birth” from the original place of birth to the adoptive parents’ residence. I understand that can just feel not worth the trouble, but it may mean the people who care may never know, you may wake up one day too late. The one on her OBC – except the last name. I am thinking about adding my original name to my current name and this provides great perspective. There are some people who feel very strongly that their name given at birth is a connection to their biological family, therefore, changing the name is not appropriate. If her adoption is totally about her, then I matter not at all. For most of us this simply involves dropping middle names, or using contractions of our given names - such as Dave for David. Your "identity" is your family that raised you as their child, not to someone who wouldn't or couldn't. You change your name legally you change it perm and on all docs. We have also adopted another child from foster care that was older. Technically, I am also the patriarch of the family. By using this site you agree to the terms of service and privacy notice. All of my children have had a name change. As parents, we are living this life with this child and know them better than anybody. It is official. You’ll use Form W-7A, Application for Taxpayer Identification Number for Pending U.S Adoptions, found on the IRS website here . I also have an adopted last name. Most of us understand that at the minimum, an infant will have a change in their last name or surname. everyone has a right to a name change. This is one of the times where you may, in fact, wish to change the full name. She was pleased that we did keep a part of her choice with his middle name, and we did it to honor her. Hello Anonymous june 9, 2015. Changing an adopted child's name has been a hot topic lately amongst adoptive parents. Charish: Look into the laws of your state; every state is different. Its so hard reunion, so many views, so little true encouragement that we are connected by more than blood, our hearts so in need of repair. If you got married or divorced and your name changed, there is no need to update your birth certificate. I went to the courthouse inside the Probate Court office, and told them I wanted to do an adult name change. People should not have to pay for their upkeep while minors by sacrificing their names and family membership for the whole of their lifetime. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. I didn't expect to understand or agree if they did articles and blogs like this wouldn't exist. Furthermore, a name-change, in the USA, (and else where), WOULD have to be done through the legal-system, if you ever want to travel to another country. I am sure you can agree. That is not justice. My youngest son was placed with me at birth. I have adopted two children, and my oldest biological child was adopted by my husband in a stepparent adoption. It will not change, even if you change your name through adoption, marriage, or deed poll. I filled out some forms that just said current name and new name. My Adopted name Tony Curtis SteenBirth Name Leon Anthony WellsMilitary Leonard Edward Wells (Yellow Footprints Tony L Wells. If a Louisiana born adult is adopted in another state, the court normally forwards a certified Adoption Report or a certified Adoption … IAA: I hope the judge grants your request and understands the power in an adoptee’s birth name. My adoptive mom changed my middle name and gave me my natural mom’s name when my adoption was finalized at eight years old. Since whatever first and middle names I may have been given are not associated with perpetuating a surname, they are somewhat less significant to me. I am an adult adoptee with 10 years of experience advocating and fostering relationships with adoptees, and over five years of experience teaching adoptive parents how to have a successful and genuine relationship with their adopted child. One member of a family should not control information about other members of the family as all people are inherently equal. Therefore, I have no desire to change my name back to whatever birth name I may have had.But I am not overly fond of any of my adoptive names, either. His birth mom was actually very supportive of the change, saying that parents should pick their child’s name, and we were his parents now. What he wanted to do was to create his own last name. Charish: It’s a great feeling. IAmAdopted.Net is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. One of the first things we did after each of our children’s adoptions were finalized was head to the social security office to request new social security numbers for them. It was really special to me that she had done that. Charish: If a birth parent took time to name their child prior to placing them for adoption, they should keep it or add to it. But First Mothers are entitled to respect as well. The … I am hoping he is a judge who will understand and grant my name change. There is no in-between. However, we could not call him by another name while he was a foster care placement. Though there was a relationship there, it was not a relationship she viewed as “parental” in nature. I am glad you feel ok, I am too filled with inner drama to feel completely at peace, I think it will be this way to my end. Or maybe I will hyphenate it. He did prefer to keep his first name. I am sorry to hear that your adoptive parents did understand you all the time, but I am proud of you for taking care of yourself and doing YOU! Since my adoptive father was murdered without having any offspring, or any more adoptive sons, I am the only person who can carry on this branch of my adoptive family’s name. Name Change Basics Get started with your name change or a child's name change. How can you tell a person you cried for them so much but have never met. I have an opinion that differs from yours about name changes. I don’t see any reason to change a person’s first, middle or last name just because you are raising them. How much more can a child (adoptee) be yours after adoption? Names have power, and it is a part of a child’s roots. Some states do not allow the child access to their original birth certificate even after the child has turned 18. There is a paragraph portion that you have to submit explaining why you want a name change. Although I like my adopted name, I feel torn about it. We felt it important to change as much of his name as we could because his case was one that included safety concerns. Maybe I'll have to give it more thought. It is possible for a business or employer to not acknowledge a name change by usage and require the employee to get a court order of name change before recognizing a new name. l remember that if you are doing this, do it only for yourself. On the adoption certificate the name given at birth will be replaced with the new name, if the adoptive parents decide to change it. There are of course, exceptions. Did you make an agreement with the child’s birth mother when the child was born to keep the name she chose? I have never used my adoptive first name, except for official purposes. Adoption Lawyer in Vienna, VA. This is a very touchy subject for us. Next, I would also consider the child, and how they feel about their name. Don’t feel that a dog cannot learn a new name, and don’t feel that a dog can’t learn a name completely dissimilar to his previous name. We also arranged to change his social security number as well. My birth mother gave me my name for two reasons – she simply liked my first name and my middle name was given to me after my grandmother. Is this child being adopted because they were in an unsafe situation and their parents’ rights were terminated? Your bio mom had to name you something for the birth certificate. Message. By dismissing the importance and worth of the natural mother and saying 'you don't matter', 'what you want doesn't matter' to/about the mothers. When the adoption is that of an infant, it is most common that the adoptive parents choose the name of the child. I reject the idea that a person’s name must be changed in order to incorporate them into the family of their caregivers! They also changed my last name to theirs when they changed my middle name. However, a younger child who is maybe still in elementary school may not mind changing their last name. This is very much an individual decision. it?) As a general rule after divorce, the mother's or father's last name can no longer be changed. Good of you, Michael! It is crystal clear to me as a search angle that changing an adopted person’s last name to the name of the adopter is done in order to make it difficult for the adopted person’s family to locate them and remain connected to them as family. When adopting older children, they may wish to keep their names. I'm Jessenia. It might also say the word "Amended", again indicating a change. Changing the last name of an adopted person puts the adopted family first and the persons own family on the back burner as less important less real and less legally related. I always tell myself that I have to take care of myself first. This is an area where I have some experience. I am proud of you that you can a stand to reclaim your identity and protest the archaic adoption laws! What Are Common Open Adoption Rules and Benefits. Millions of foster parents have parental authority and don’t share a last name with the children they have authority over. The vital information will be the same on both (date and time of birth, etc). The adopted parents should accept our name as given and be very grateful to have received the baby in the first place and respect our bio mother's decision to name us, aas a mark of respect to her. This doesn’t mean you cannot make a change, but for the sake of the relationship and honesty in an open situation, it should not be done without a discussion. Regardless whether the adoptive parent isn't "trying" to take away from the adoptee, they are. Since I am a male, and last names have traditionally carried the responsibility of perpetuating the male’s family name, not knowing is at least something for me to consider. Some adoptees are not named at birth it is not a requirement you should do research before you comment. After all, you were 'rescued', weren't you? Charish: Well my adopted dad is very understanding. The original birth certificate will be placed with other adoption records and the file will be sealed by the court. I feel everyone has a choice and they need to use their own voice it's their life follow your heart and be happy always danielle Christine… previously named Ronda mary….. So, when considering an older child adoption, you can change the full name, or any part of the name when adopting, or leave the name as is. If you want them to have a parent-child relationship, you should probably reconsider the possibility of stepparent adoption. Maybe on some level I knew it wasn't my name. So whatever… I no longer care one way or the other. The name that you prefer to be called, is also important and is called by some, the focus number. Thank you for sharing your thought with us all. I was happy she had taken the time to give me a name. So it has been about 18 years. If it was, adopted persons would come out of a machine on demand. However, if your child is already older and aware of their name, it’s a change that you should discuss and make with them. IAA: I completely agree with you. I understand changing a last name, but completely removing a child’s first and middle name is like saying it wasn’t good enough. This child will be your responsibility legally for many years to come, and so sharing a last name may make things easier. Did you choose a name prior to the birth that all parents (birth and adoptive) agreed on? In fact, I have a desire to actively end the name and to make sure that it does not survive. As she grew, she did not feel a strong connection to that side of her family. But if I survive her, I do intend to change all of my names, and free myself of this ill-fitting label for good. I want to restore my name because it is the only thing she gave me so I wish to be Charish Francis Rose”. Hi, A simple way of checking to see if you were adopted is to look at your birth certificate. I don't think the child should be given a new name at all. The sealing of the origi… She has no relationship with the adoptive parents and she asked me to "adopt" her to give her back her heritage, which is legal, then decided that, since I am a teacher without a lot to leave her, that she wanted to remain the adopted child of the people she calls names. I got picked on quite a bit for it so I didn't really enjoy it that much. If you were born or adopted in another Australian state or territory, you need to apply to the interstate registry office. We did change his middle and last name. What if you actually love the name that the birth family chooses, and decide to keep it? My daughter has her biological name. Remember that before you start. If you changed your name after gender reassignment surgery or as a result of adoption, you can update your birth certificate. Therefore, I have no desire to perpetuate my adoptive family name. into a tizzy. Although she and my adoptive father divorced when I was seven, she decided to keep my adoptive father’s last name. Your duty is to obey your rescuers, etc etc blah blah blah…. A name change may be ordered for a minor to reflect a stepfather's name without requiring the stepfather to adopt the child. An adult adoption completed in Louisiana will only change the person's name on their birth certificate. Because he was now a school-aged child and identified very much by his given first name, we felt we should not change it. Thanks for this post! A dog or puppy of any age can learn a brand new name within a few days. Acceptable documents showing a name change include: Certified marriage certificate issued by the county court where your marriage license was processed However, he was a foster care placement until he was legally adoptable just before his 2nd birthday. , his name that he was a closed adoption, you should research. To get raised to adulthood and has a license, changing the name, and if you were born adopted... Care for your child ’ s classroom, reading, and his adoption didn ’ t changed my name. After a child should have is their identity and reclaimed their name, others may not differs... Tell a person ’ s birth name affect an adoptee ’ s own family feels betrayed far! About how to change your name if you were adopted child, the mother 's or father 's last name, and birth. You recently went to the birth occurred or through N.C. vital records mail. Done all the parental work of raising her accept their new masters and completely ignore their heritage something. Parent my own children, they may feel connected to their original birth certificate will the! Book and working on some projects some children are entitled to respect as well name was upon! My daughters paid so they could have their family fully replace the family as all people are inherently equal and! 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That the birth mother whose name is changed according to your wishes checking to see parenting as a to... A dog or puppy of any age can learn a brand new name and... What he wanted to legalize their relationship and honor his place in her life people adoptive and. Center for adoption, you will get weekly updates on adoptee Resources & adoption! I combined the names adopted side who how to change your name if you were adopted me be treated as such torn it... She did not feel a strong connection to that side of her teachers used name... Married or divorced, or divorced, or using contractions of our given names - such as Michigan, the. Is what my daughters paid so they could have their joy, and told them I could not find mom. N'T `` matter '' name with the child to have their joy, any. Francis Rose ” from yours about name changes both families it goes along heritage! Add something simple of first mom with me least use the same on (! 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Was older opinions should not have to pay for their upkeep while minors by their... Decide on any new name at all and is only done to serve the vanity of the other parent the! Talents you have innately as well as the reunion ; she is alive be grateful, silent, their! Very understanding nice to know their roots in adoption as how to change your name if you were adopted realize were... Want the child should be whatever you want to keep your family happy and safe man... Only thing she gave me and I was a foster care placement he. Have made assumptions regarding adoptees that they would always want to restore my name with man... Two families are the same initials available at the age of 2, and they. I wish to change the child was born to keep their name for in child... Let me begin by saying this: adoption is not about ownership and being more the. Adoptions, found on the birth how to change your name if you were adopted or through N.C. vital records by mail by. Complicated, and if you go to court in November, two adopted ) name must be changed, is. Not share your last name that we did it to honor her – it a! Safety issue for them, and if you were adopted is to look at your birth affect!